Necessity of self-control after loss of partner

Compiled by Moumita Adhikary.

Loss of a partner, spouse, husband, wife may be sad however, diligent urge to practise self-control after a partner’s passing away, or separation is required to maintain calm and peace of mind and dutiful towards others and society. Age varies in different cases.

As per Hindu ritual, widows were supposed to eat vegetarian food after husband’s death to control sexual hunger and to wear white saree or clothes to symbolise purity of love. Very old rituals were to cut hair short too for women when they would become widow. Usage of cosmetics, vanity was restricted. However, there was no such specific  rule for men.

Like a married man cannot be identified with any specific things like vermilion, etc, there was/is no custom that denotes loss of a spouse for men.

Nowadays, ring and other specify an engagement, wedding status, etc normally.

In a vast country like India, marriage is possible for a person thrice inclusive of polygamy.

There is requirement of self-control for men too specifically post loss of spouse beyond rituals and religion. The idea is to obtain self-control for well being and good health by reducing excessive consumption of non-vegeterian food and over-indulgence possibly adulterahood too. Self-control, meditation, etc helps to control lust and have a steer in life.

To obtain control over anger, ill temper is the aim for such self-control. This is applicable for bachelors and spinsters too. It is often observed that bachelors, spinsters of very matured age, say beyond 40year often lack self-control and boils in anger too often or unconventional takes to fulfil lust and get satisfaction – Yes, self-control is much sought after and required for this is one planet so as they say ‘Live and let live’. Alas! there are fake Yogis too who still needs to be channelized in positive direction of meditation.

However, a man or a woman who loses spouse in much later age is supposed to be responsible to calm down and not indulge into remarriage to maintain balance and harmony in his/her own life, family and others. Rest is an individual’s choice.

To not intervene or less engage into other’s sexual life and/or personal is important unless related. To understand there is no need to be too personal. To be able to recognise and distinguish between connection to a person is apt.

However, if there’s a personal affair that is important and decided to be taken to next level like marriage, etc after loss of a spouse, child/children should be informed at least rather disturbed to not spill family issues in public.


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